Love, A Hopeful Romantic's Attempt At Cynicism

I can't help it.

As much as I try to hide
Behind anonymous sex,
Alcohol,
And the illusion of the
Strong single man,
I'm lost.

I want to be found.

I'd give anything to
Have only one person
Share my bed!

Someone I could tell about
My most shameful moments.
My anger and joys.
Someone who'll listen
When I talk about how
Wonderful it was to
Sit on the roof
Outside my childhood bedroom window
Watching the sunset
On warm Summer nights.

But who's gonna be able to cut
Through my bullshit?

I have so many defenses up.
If there's a bump in the
Relationship road
I either fall over myself
Begging for forgiveness,
(Even when it's not my fault)
Or I abandon it saying
"See, I knew it was too
Good to be true."

I want to give up.
To say the Hell with It!

But I can't.

I'd like to be bitter.
To curl up with resentment
And make anger my lover,
But I can't.

It's just not in my nature.

I still hope.