Return to Music

Music has been such a huge part of my life.
It was a place for me to express the
Deep emotion I had inside me as a child.
Music, along with religion was an acceptable
Way for me, as a boy, to cry, exalt,
Sing, dance, mourn, emote and thrill.

Ultimately music won over religion.
Religious college, music major.
Sometimes antithetical.
Music the free form of emotion,
Religion, emotional, but only within bounds.
Both triggered deep wells of sorrow, tears, joy
Elation, fear, wonder and power.

Music consumed, directed, propelled.
In many ways I allowed those around me
To drive me instead of the music.
Expectations I was trying to fulfill,
Standards to exceed.
Perfection to be obtained.
Life also competed with music.
Bills, money for head shots,
Traveling for auditions, rehearsals
Conflicting with work, roles that didn't pay.

Work now dominates.
I pay my rent, my school loans,
My power bill.
I can see my family without my
Train ticket breaking the bank.
I have friends, routines, sports,
Nights out, dates, coffee shops.
Sometimes emptiness.

Yesterday I sang.
I sang with abandon.
My voice soared into my heart and
Soul and revived sleeping emotions.
Today the world seems brighter,
Happier, clearer.
So simple.
A return to music.
My music, none other's.