Lonely

Loneliness.
A Choking, grasping, throttling
Hand that closes around your
Throat.

A turn in your stomach,
That doubles you over,
Makes you gag.

I find myself mumbling on the street.
I'm so close to having a full, audible,
Conversation with Me, Myself and I.
I've figured out what is behind all those
Crazy, angry, people in New York.
They're lonely.
Desperate for love and attention.
Sometimes they lash out.
Sometimes they talk to themselves
Just to hear a human voice.
You may not see it, but
Sometimes they just curl up and cry.

It's so hard to stay positive.
I want to yell and kick and scream.
I don't want to tell myself it'll be "alright"
Or find my "happy place."

The only benefit to
Loneliness is the self-reflection.
What have I learned?
Lonely is really not that far
From terror.
I choose to keep people away.
Self segregating.
I'm afraid.

What is the answer?
How do you conquer the fear?

Fuck if I know.